What was I thinking?

too late to regret.

so many things that are left unsaid. 

I missed you. 

but who am I to say it to this whole world

when you're at another side

an eternal place to stay with our Father. 

I need to learn how to let go

how to move on

never thought it could be this hard

but life is always full of surprises. 

on hiatus.

Where is the good in goodbye?

There's no word can describe the feeling of losing a friend like you. 

Unexpected goodbye hurts the most. 

Until today, I still stare into space thinking about you. 

after split second, I realized you were gone, forever. 

it's goes on over and over again. 

I wish I was strong to go through this. 

but knowing you, I know you don't us to cry over you.

I kept imagining you watching us from afar, 

or just sitting next to us. 

It made me calm even though those were just imaginations. 

and deeply I hope you were, you lovely soul. 

Looking at you like you were sleeping soundly, 

wishful thinking that you'll wake up.

or wishing that it was just a horrible dream.

can anyone of you pinch me now? this is so surreal. 

:(

looking at you, I wish I could tell you the dream that I had months ago about you and the guys. 

sadly, I couldn't tell you personally anymore. 

and I'm sure when I tell you that story, you'll ask me "did you?" accompanying with the laughter that you always do. 

I could pinch you all the way like we always did. and you'll act like it wasn't painful :)

remember those time when I visit you at Sony center? 

the time when you first started working. 

it was like you took me to Sony tour. 

telling me like all the functions of the gadgets. it made me laughed so hard 

and honestly, I was really impressed. ;)

also, how proud am I of you. 

you were also telling me that if when you're working and talking to so-called customer/friends really long, 

your salary will get cut down. 

but me knowing the boss of Sony, you said "nevermind la! it's okay. you know him bah, so he won't potong my gaji" 

and we both just giggled. 

feeling bad, I went over to talk with your boss, asking him

"wahh, josh have to memorize everything ah?" 

you were like so proud that time. haha. 

good times good times. ;) 

I was there at Sony probably for half an hour. quite long for a so called customer who didn't buy anything. :p

even remembered I kinda forced you to finish my ribena. haha. 

it was never a failed to visit you there if I passed by Sony. 

remembered on the last day when I saw you, I passed by there couples of time. 

but you weren't there. 

I went back there again, and I saw you. 

Happily, I was wearing my wedges, slightly taller than I used to. 

you said that I've grown taller but when you knew I was sort of cheating. 

you goes like cheh. hahah. 

Remember the day when you accompanied me to cut my hair? Remember the day when you accompanied me buy the hello kitty sticker? haha. the walks to lutong GK? I still remember you cycle with your bicycle late at night. there's so much Josh, it would take forever to list it all down. 

reminiscing reminiscing. :) 

I just wanted to say thank you for all the memories that we once shared. 

Thank you for being there for me whenever I needed someone to talked to. 

Someone where I can find comfort with, someone where I can share my thoughts without any judgement.

someone who can depend on and call you as my brother. Thank you for the laughter that we had. 

Thank you so much .

Thank you. 

Have a safe journey to Heaven, my friends. 

Rest in Peace. 

You'll be deeply missed, Joshua. <3

I love you.

Yours truly.

Jo. 

Sneak peak :)

sorry for the hiatus. 

i is healthy.

Look who is back ? 

I'm currently having holiday so yeah, quite free a bit :) 

but still I need to get study soon. :D 

I don't upload a lot of photo of myself but here's one just cause I feel like uploading. HAHHA. 

I'm actually out of topic to blog about, I don't have any mojo anymore. :| 

but here, I don't know if I ever mentioned that I started eating healthy regularly already? 

Since the beginning of the month, so it's about 3 weeks less. :)

I find eating healthy fun, like really. 

especially during doing grocery shopping.

I don't know if its weird, but let me tell you a list of food that I eat in a week.

there are mostly just fruits and vegetables. 

the list goes like... 

leek,asparagus,broccoli,cabbage,lettuce,cucumber,spinach, baby kai lan, celery,carrots,papaya,banana, grapefruit, kiwi, watermelon, red apple, green apple, avacado.. 

I just went to the refrigerator to grab watermelon juice and check out what thing I missed out. 

hmmm, bean sprout, potatoes, tomatoes, buah mentega manis (?) and parsley. 

quite a lot right? HAHAH. the family could just spend hundreds ringgit just for fruit and vegetables in a week. quite crazy don't you think? 

 my breakfast for yesterday :D 

 I don't know what is this, does anyone know? wildberry? my mom planted this. 

 Grapefruit :D 

 Fried tomatoes 

 my watermelon juice today :D 

 Parsley :) 

 Asparagus :D 

Something just to spoil my taste bud yesterday :) 

and if ever you ask me to diet, I'll say no. I don't diet. :)

but I eat healthy food.secret is, blend fresh fruit and vegetables juice everyday. 

hehehe, I gained like 2 to 3 kilos the first week. then back to my normal weight and manage to lost more than a kilo now. without exercising. I'm lazy. pfft. 

I didn't drink juices to lose weight, but to stay healthy that's it :) 

why diet when you can have fun with your food.? 

right? 

too bad I didn't take any photo of the fruit juices that I blend everyday except for today's. 

which is watermelon and apple juice. 

heh, I missed my boyfriend when I think of watermelon. hahah. 

Lols, thanks for reading or not reading it at all. 

this post is really boring, I know. 

I talked  too much right? (Yes I know) 

okay now bye :D 

Crazy Classmates.

Many things happened lately. 

haha, and one of them would be a memory to treasure forever. 

I swear, my classmates are literally crazy. 

but I love them to bits. 

so here, these two friends of mine was challenge to eat 6 different kinds of noodles. 

2 person with 6 bowls. half each bowls of noodle.

if you get what I mean. 

then the next day, we went to the mamak stall to have lunch. 

and they both were challenge to eat 8 pieces of roti canai each. 

I swear I was literally sick watching them eat. 

note that I cropped my photo out. hahahah.

and they managed to finish 16 pieces altogether with 2 glasses of teh tarik and 2 tins of green tea.

 the two lovely ladies, with 4 pieces of roti canai first :P 

the last piece! 

heh, crazy right? hahaha 

Just another journey.

Hey, sorry for the long hiatus. 

Lost my mojo to blog lately, and was quite busy for a while. 

Concentrating on my studies and also because my special someone just fly off to the west.

He flew off just morning to further his studies.

He left me a letter. 

:) 

A handmade envelope, hahah. 

made out of stapler cause he couldn't find any glue. :P

He used a tape just cause he can't just use his saliva to stick the envelope. 

lol, he went on youtube just to make an envelope for me. 

:)

heh, how simple could his mind be. 

but better than me, I just gave him a piece of full scape paper. 

and the little notes in a chocolate tin >.< 

On the other hand, I just receive this :)

from a friend of mine.

Thanks Azra :) xx 

Three Cheers for Five Years.

The ugly side of me. 

I'm ignorant, selfish and hard headed. 

I'm sorry for the things that I did, I knew what my mistakes were. 

I'm sorry for avoiding or pretending not to care so much.

I'm sorry, 

but I've learned my lesson. 

I'm done pretending, I can't stand not talking to you. 

and honestly, it's been bugging me for these few days. 

wonder if it was that telepathy between us two that eat me up. 

I held a deep breathe as usual to calm myself down and to just forget it. 

whatnot, it's coming back and haunting me. 

I missed the way we used to be.

I missed how we could talk about everything. 

I missed everything that we had. 

I miss seeing you smile. 

I missed how you always come to my house at night. 

I missed how we always argue and only could stand not talking to you for only a minute. 

I missed how we go for lunch break at the kdai mamak during high school. 

I missed how I could simply just hug you whenever I want. 

I missed how we talk stupidly. 

I wish we were still the same.

I don't want to start another fight. 

I don't want to have things go ugly. 

all I could do is to, keep you always in my prayers. 

It hurts me that I think I was the one that made you this way. 

Not that I think, I've always have knew that.